Tag Archives: Writing

Living (and writing) With Depression and Anxiety

Living with depression and anxiety is hard. Very heard in fact, and I would never wish it on anyone. It’s not fun at all. But like many people out there I do it. I cope. Because I have to. It’s especially hard for me because I have so many things I genuinely WANT to do. Writing, drawing, reading, yard work even! I just completely lack the motivation and energy needed to get these things done. But oh, how I wish I could just wake up in the morning and do all these things, one after another, and all in the same day no less! That’s how it used to be, but not recently. I wish I could get up and have a giant list of tasks, and things, and chores that I plan to do all day, and not shut down. Not get a sudden crippling stomach pain. I really do.

And for any of you who may be out there that say “Oh, depression and anxiety isn’t real, it’s all in your head.” Well for one, of course it fucking is genius. It’s called a MENTAL illness. And for those who say, “Oh, just get up and do something. Just get over it. It’s not that hard.” It is hard actually. And to both of these types of people I say “Bye!” You can leave right now and never come back, because I am done with people like this.

Back on subject! Besides complaining about my illnesses, I’m really just wanting to talk about my writing.

It’s hard for me to start on a project, whether it be a brand new idea or just going back and finishing off an old story. I don’t feel the inspiration, motivation, or energy needed to accomplish it. And I need to slowly do that. Think of creative and fun ways for me to get back into writing. Because even as I just write this simple post, I’m having terrible stomach pains and want to just shut my laptop. But I won’t!

I don’t want to stop writing, or rather, being a writer. I just can’t and I won’t. I’ve always enjoyed it and I always will. No matter if it’s as easy as walking, or a very difficult task that takes me hours just to start. I’m going to write. It’s the fulfillment of being able to let all those words out of your head that just seem to be bouncing around that I want. Being about to create whole other worlds and people. And being able to let your feelings just bleed onto the page, rather then off your skin. It’s a great feeling once I finish a piece, and even once I get started writing it. The problem is just getting started.

So this post is a bit of a mess and all over the place, and I apologize. What I’m trying to say is I’m not going to let whatever is bringing down the rest of my life stand in my way from the one true thing I’ve always loved. And that if you’re having similar problems you shouldn’t either. It doesn’t even have to be writing that’s your one true passion. Just know that, if you’re dealing with mental illness or just tough times, don’t let anything stand in the way of doing what you love. Fight it and break through the impenetrable wall that it’s built itself on. Because I know, and you know, we can do it.

Have any tips for getting my inspiration mojo back?

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Filed under Non Fiction, Rant

A Writer’s Day: 16

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve written anything and I’m not proud of that fact. Writing used to be all I cared about. It used to be my escape from the world, reality, and even my own thoughts and fears. It was the one thing I could do to take my mind off everything and really enjoy myself. I was happy about the content I was creating and happy about all the great people I was meeting as well as the great tips I was learning from said people. But then I just stopped.

I fell out of writing. You could say I fell out of love with writing. I’m not sure why or what made me stop. I just slowly moved away from writing and into other things. I drew for a while, then moved to a few different games in that time. But now I want to write, again.

I want to get back into it and have that great feeling when I’m creating something wonderful. I want to feel that satisfying feeling of finishing a story. I want to remember what it’s like to write and write and just write all day long! Looking forward to waking up and doing early morning writing sprints, then spending the rest of the day working on other projects. World building, planning, summary’s, character development. I want to do it all again. Times where I knew I should’ve been in bed but couldn’t pull myself away from my story even if it was 3am.

I NEED it back. Writing was, at one point, the only thing to give me happiness and enjoyment. I feel like if I get back to that I’ll be in a much better state than I am currently. Continue reading

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I’ve Been A Terrible Blogger

I’ve been a terrible blogger recently. I know, and I’m sorry to anyone who might read this. I’ve just been quite busy working on other things and being sick. That is all fine and well but I really would like to get back to blogging.  I know I have at least a view regular readers even if they are just friends and family. So I wanted to start writing more/again, and I think working on the blog will sure help me.

I also failed a bit when it came to that 30 day blog challenge. So I’m now going to work my butt off and get those last ones finished so I can start posting up other things. Perhaps more fiction, or even more writer tips and things I’ve learned along the way (It’s a pretty short way).

Here’s to starting October out as a better writer, and a better blogger!

 

Thanks for listening. Look for more posts soon!

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Filed under Rant

Her Favorite Show

When I first got home the TV was one. Probably one of mom’s favorite shows. But I couldn’t find her. She wasn’t on the sofa and she wasn’t in the living room.

As I traversed through the mess of clothes and old food on the floor, I still couldn’t find her. I was yelling her name and running up and down the stairs. Still nothing.

I finally thought to look out back. Maybe she’s in the garden again. I made my way back down the stairs. I entered the kitchen and opened the back door.

I began to walk the grounds. She had so many beautiful plants.
Her roses.
Her petunias.
Her tomatoes.
Her hand.

Wait, Her hand?! Sure enough, right there squished between two ripe tomatoes was her severed hand. I could see where her wedding ring used to be. But the question is, was it stolen, or did she take it off before hand. Hand… oh god. Why did I use that phrase.

I kept going to try and find more body parts. I found an ear, an ear of corn. Then I found her actual ear. Strange. And right there, mixed with all her lettuce was her head, just smiling up at me. Her eyes closed.

“Oh mom, why? What happened?” Right as I asked I felt a cool steel slide into my spine. Sharp but smooth. I could feel my blood running down my back. I dropped to my knees and fell forward. I tried to turn to see who it was but there was no one.

The last sight I saw before I died was my mom’s face. Just smiling back at me.

“It’ll be ok now sweetie.”

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Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge, Fiction

Too Cool For School

And for today’s yesterday’s prompt, we have “How important you think education is.” I’m not in love with this prompt and I’m quite tired, so I might write a longer post on it later. But for now, have a haiku!

Her school desk was blank.
Washed time and time again to
rid it of the blood.

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The Blue, The Red, The Green.

This was supposed to be up yesterday for the 30 Day Blog Challenge. So here it is now:

His stomach turned in tumbles and fits. Beads of sweat collected on his forehead, some fell from the tip of his nose. He readied his cutters, but with shaking hands he wasn’t truly ready. The blue, the red, the green. All wound tightly around each other. He took the group in his hand and untangled them ever so carefully. He was going to stop this thing, whether he died in the process or not.

His eyes were focused, pupils as big as the moon. He breathed heavy and harsh, trying not to put any extra tension on the wires. His ear piece was already on the table. Too much chatter to concentrate. All that mattered was the device in front of him. The timer moved quick, yet felt slow in the same breath. Continue reading

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Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge, Fiction

The Highs And Lows Of The Year Thus Far

Today’s prompt is to write about my highs and my lows of the year.

I’m not quite sure how to write this one because my year so far has been up and down the whole way through.

My lowest was probably (thinking that I was) losing someone I cared for dearly. I also had very bad depression and anxiety. I wasn’t writing or working or doing anything really. I didn’t want to do anything, just stay inside and hide all day. That was pretty low.

My highest point is probably recently. Having (now) an amazing best friend, who I still care for dearly, but can just joke around with and be myself. Also the fact that I’m writing quite a bit and writing everyday. I mean, I’ve got about 3-4 story ideas I’m working on. I’m half way in my main WIP (taking a break now), at 30k words. And I’m averaging about 1000 words a day! So that’s quite good. My depression and anxiety is also being kept more in check, and I do not fear writing or working anymore!

So that is the short-ish answer to my highs and lows for the year.

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