Tag Archives: writer

Living (and writing) With Depression and Anxiety

Living with depression and anxiety is hard. Very heard in fact, and I would never wish it on anyone. It’s not fun at all. But like many people out there I do it. I cope. Because I have to. It’s especially hard for me because I have so many things I genuinely WANT to do. Writing, drawing, reading, yard work even! I just completely lack the motivation and energy needed to get these things done. But oh, how I wish I could just wake up in the morning and do all these things, one after another, and all in the same day no less! That’s how it used to be, but not recently. I wish I could get up and have a giant list of tasks, and things, and chores that I plan to do all day, and not shut down. Not get a sudden crippling stomach pain. I really do.

And for any of you who may be out there that say “Oh, depression and anxiety isn’t real, it’s all in your head.” Well for one, of course it fucking is genius. It’s called a MENTAL illness. And for those who say, “Oh, just get up and do something. Just get over it. It’s not that hard.” It is hard actually. And to both of these types of people I say “Bye!” You can leave right now and never come back, because I am done with people like this.

Back on subject! Besides complaining about my illnesses, I’m really just wanting to talk about my writing.

It’s hard for me to start on a project, whether it be a brand new idea or just going back and finishing off an old story. I don’t feel the inspiration, motivation, or energy needed to accomplish it. And I need to slowly do that. Think of creative and fun ways for me to get back into writing. Because even as I just write this simple post, I’m having terrible stomach pains and want to just shut my laptop. But I won’t!

I don’t want to stop writing, or rather, being a writer. I just can’t and I won’t. I’ve always enjoyed it and I always will. No matter if it’s as easy as walking, or a very difficult task that takes me hours just to start. I’m going to write. It’s the fulfillment of being able to let all those words out of your head that just seem to be bouncing around that I want. Being about to create whole other worlds and people. And being able to let your feelings just bleed onto the page, rather then off your skin. It’s a great feeling once I finish a piece, and even once I get started writing it. The problem is just getting started.

So this post is a bit of a mess and all over the place, and I apologize. What I’m trying to say is I’m not going to let whatever is bringing down the rest of my life stand in my way from the one true thing I’ve always loved. And that if you’re having similar problems you shouldn’t either. It doesn’t even have to be writing that’s your one true passion. Just know that, if you’re dealing with mental illness or just tough times, don’t let anything stand in the way of doing what you love. Fight it and break through the impenetrable wall that it’s built itself on. Because I know, and you know, we can do it.

Have any tips for getting my inspiration mojo back?

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Filed under Non Fiction, Rant

Damnit, I’m a Writer. Not a Doctor.

Today’s prompt is, If I could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Honestly if I could have any job, right now, I’d choose to be a full time writer. Now technically I already have this job. I’m a student in college with just one class. I don’t currently have a real job. And you can find me most days writing all day, every day.

But what I mean is I wish to be a writer where I can live off of my writing and just that. Although writing has never been about being popular or making money to me, it’d still be nice to be able to just write without the worry of paying bills. Would I love to publish a book? Sure, who wouldn’t?! But I’d also like to just write and have a few extra dollars every month.

This also brought me to a thought I had. What’s the difference between a Writer and an Author? Is it that Authors are published? So would that mean that all Authors are Writers, but not all Writers are Authors? I truly believe I’m a writer, but am I really an author? It could just be a state of mind really. It could also just be what you choose to call yourself. Or like I said, it could be whether you are published or not.

All in all, I want to write. I never want to stop writing. And if I have to call something my “job” and get paid for it, I wish for it to be writing.

What is your dream job? What do you think the difference is between a Writer and an Author? Let me know in the comments.

Happy writing!

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Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge

Writing Like A Fish Out Of Water

Alright, so today’s prompt is about Zodiac Signs and if I think mine fits my personality.

I’m a Pisces. I was born in March and I’m right near the cusp of Aries. Now sometimes these two mix to form my personality. But if I truly believed in Zodiac Signs and their meanings I’d agree that I’m more of a Pisces.

One of the most common “Strong” traits of Pisces is Compassion. Now I agree with this just fine, I can be very compassionate… sometimes. But one of the “Weak” traits for Pisces is laziness. Which I also agree with, unfortunate I am lazy when it comes to a lot of things, mostly writing. I’ll sit around for hours on end just reading blog posts or doing “research” without actually writing.

This brings me to something I found on a website about Pisces, it has to do with them as writers. “The Pisces writer may be tempted to lounge for years in bars, telling himself he’s gathering material, when he’s really just gathering moss and unpaid bills.” This is me in a nutshell. Instead of just writing and letting it all flow out of me, I spend hours and hours and days researching and filing up bookmark folders on my computer. I need to focus on getting past “knowing” what I’m writing about… and just write it.

So yes, I guess my Zodiac sign does have some strong connections to my actual personality. Do I believe in it or read my horoscope everyday? Nope.

Do you think your Zodiac Sign influences your writing one way or another?

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A Writer’s Day: Part 6

Today was an interesting day. I actually slept last night which was nice, but only for 7 hours after being awake for about 40. I woke up to a kitten licking my nose, which I must say was very cute.

Katrina was here as I woke up, so we decided to go to Panera to go get some writing done. Well neither of us were in a good mood for the beginning of the day, but we got over that so we could write and be together.

I didn’t get much done at Panera, before we headed out to Barnes and Noble instead. Didn’t do much there either, but Katrina did buy the first Percy Jackson book. So I’m looking forward to reading that.

After that I came home and spent most of my day working on blog posts. Writing and editing and researching. But not much else, no real prompts or working on my novel. I suppose I’ll save that for tomorrow. This feels like an all nighter kind of night so maybe I’ll get a lot done tomorrow. Who knows.

That’s about it for my day so far. Also, just for anyone who reads this blog, I’m probably going to only do one 30 Day Challenge. I was thinking about sticking with the Blog Challenge, but I’m not sure. Tell me what you think in the comments!

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A Binge You Went On

Ah, yet another prompt that I wish to take to the literal form. The book says you may “use these prompts for fiction or for memoir and essays.” I’ve done a bit of both actually. But today’s will be another… essay I suppose it is?

When I hear the word binge, I think of binge drinking or eating. Or even going on a “coke binge”. But it encompasses much more than just that. The definition is “a short period devoted to indulging in an activity to excess.” So this could literally mean anything.

Just yesterday (and the day before technically,) I went on a binge myself. A sleep deprivation binge. Or rather a staying awake binge? That’s what I thought of when I first read this prompt, but I also went on a sort of writing binge.

After a couple Monster energy drinks and some medication, I felt vastly motive and creative. So much so that I stayed awake for forty-two hours straight, (not necessarily by my choosing.) I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t tired. I just wanted to be creative, or write, or do something.

The first night I wrote about 1.5k words in my story, the second night only 500. I believe this is because I wore myself out of writing. Not wore myself out physically, like I said I wasn’t tired. But rather, I had expended all my creative juices so to say.

After forty-two hours, 2k words, two prompts, writing exercise, and about five blog posts or so, I was left dry. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t write. Finally it got to the point where my eyes were watching the words appear, but my brain was somewhere else, drifting off. This is when I knew it was time to finally sleep.

Now, Binge sleep deprivation and writing can be good, if you have a deadline. I didn’t. I ran myself into a proverbial hole in the ground of words and couldn’t write myself out. I was lost and trapped.

I’ve decided this is not the best plain or course of action, especially when I have no set deadline I need to meet. I need to take time to think and plot out my writing. And I need time to rest and get away from the words and the computer. And to actually sleep.

I guess I’ll know for next time. He says while writing a blog post at 4am, wide awake.

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Filed under Insomnia, Non Fiction, Prompt

Why I Write

For my next installment of my (Not yet famous) “Why ___ Write?” series, I think I’ll talk about why I personally write. I’ll be the selfish writer I talked about before.

Now as simple as it may seem, this is not an easy question to answer. Many different people write for many different reason. Some for themselves, some to teach, some to learn, and some to be extra selfish and just make money. I fall into the first portion.

I write for myself, first and foremost. If no one ever reads my writing that wouldn’t bother me. I’m not one to never show my work or keep it hidden, but I do just write for myself. I write because it’s all I can do. It’s what I feel I’m best at, creativity wise, and it’s how I can express myself in the easiest way.

I love the feeling I get after reading through a short story I’ve written and thinking “Wow, did I really just think of this amazing place and people all on my own?” The answer is yes, and that surprises me sometimes. But I write to please and surprise myself. Writing is my pleasure, but not just a hobby. It’s a commitment, to write every day. Writing has become my life as of late.

I also write for my father. He’s an aspiring author as well and has always inspired me to be the best I can be. He was the one that got me interested in writing in the first place. He’s given me the best inspiration and motivation as a writer, and I now pass that back on to him in his time of Stuckness (A term to use instead of being BLOCKED.) I write for him, to show him that there’s a reason to write, that anyone can write, and to make him proud.

He’s also probably the reason, (Well and my mother who helped,) that when I was eight, I had a poem published in a young poet anthology. I need to remind myself this more. Whether you want to call it being a poet or an author, I am published and I can do this.

I write because I feel like the stories in my head are important; and that someone, somewhere, could benefit from them. I write because the people in my head who talk to me are relatable and have something they are dying to say to the world. I am their only gateway. I also write because my stories have meaning and purpose. They have reasoning behind them and a message. I wish for someone to see this message and have it affect them in one way or another.

But like I said, I write for myself. And only mostly myself. If I write a book that only I read or enjoy, so be it. I had a pleasure creating it and get excitement and joy out of writing and reading it. That’s all that matters to me.

Why do you write?

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Filed under Non Fiction, Why _____ Write

Why Do We Write?

Why do we write? This is a common question among authors and storytellers. I’ve written on the subject a few times now in various places. Some in my personal writings, another time was on my other writing blog, and now I bring the question here. Why do we write?

There’s a few answers to this: first the very philosophical answer, second the physical answer, and finally third, the internal and selfish answer. All of these answers are tied together one way or another. And remember, this is just one writer’s opinion, late at night. Continue reading

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Filed under Non Fiction, Why _____ Write