Tag Archives: write

Living (and writing) With Depression and Anxiety

Living with depression and anxiety is hard. Very heard in fact, and I would never wish it on anyone. It’s not fun at all. But like many people out there I do it. I cope. Because I have to. It’s especially hard for me because I have so many things I genuinely WANT to do. Writing, drawing, reading, yard work even! I just completely lack the motivation and energy needed to get these things done. But oh, how I wish I could just wake up in the morning and do all these things, one after another, and all in the same day no less! That’s how it used to be, but not recently. I wish I could get up and have a giant list of tasks, and things, and chores that I plan to do all day, and not shut down. Not get a sudden crippling stomach pain. I really do.

And for any of you who may be out there that say “Oh, depression and anxiety isn’t real, it’s all in your head.” Well for one, of course it fucking is genius. It’s called a MENTAL illness. And for those who say, “Oh, just get up and do something. Just get over it. It’s not that hard.” It is hard actually. And to both of these types of people I say “Bye!” You can leave right now and never come back, because I am done with people like this.

Back on subject! Besides complaining about my illnesses, I’m really just wanting to talk about my writing.

It’s hard for me to start on a project, whether it be a brand new idea or just going back and finishing off an old story. I don’t feel the inspiration, motivation, or energy needed to accomplish it. And I need to slowly do that. Think of creative and fun ways for me to get back into writing. Because even as I just write this simple post, I’m having terrible stomach pains and want to just shut my laptop. But I won’t!

I don’t want to stop writing, or rather, being a writer. I just can’t and I won’t. I’ve always enjoyed it and I always will. No matter if it’s as easy as walking, or a very difficult task that takes me hours just to start. I’m going to write. It’s the fulfillment of being able to let all those words out of your head that just seem to be bouncing around that I want. Being about to create whole other worlds and people. And being able to let your feelings just bleed onto the page, rather then off your skin. It’s a great feeling once I finish a piece, and even once I get started writing it. The problem is just getting started.

So this post is a bit of a mess and all over the place, and I apologize. What I’m trying to say is I’m not going to let whatever is bringing down the rest of my life stand in my way from the one true thing I’ve always loved. And that if you’re having similar problems you shouldn’t either. It doesn’t even have to be writing that’s your one true passion. Just know that, if you’re dealing with mental illness or just tough times, don’t let anything stand in the way of doing what you love. Fight it and break through the impenetrable wall that it’s built itself on. Because I know, and you know, we can do it.

Have any tips for getting my inspiration mojo back?

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Filed under Non Fiction, Rant

A Writer’s Day: 16

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve written anything and I’m not proud of that fact. Writing used to be all I cared about. It used to be my escape from the world, reality, and even my own thoughts and fears. It was the one thing I could do to take my mind off everything and really enjoy myself. I was happy about the content I was creating and happy about all the great people I was meeting as well as the great tips I was learning from said people. But then I just stopped.

I fell out of writing. You could say I fell out of love with writing. I’m not sure why or what made me stop. I just slowly moved away from writing and into other things. I drew for a while, then moved to a few different games in that time. But now I want to write, again.

I want to get back into it and have that great feeling when I’m creating something wonderful. I want to feel that satisfying feeling of finishing a story. I want to remember what it’s like to write and write and just write all day long! Looking forward to waking up and doing early morning writing sprints, then spending the rest of the day working on other projects. World building, planning, summary’s, character development. I want to do it all again. Times where I knew I should’ve been in bed but couldn’t pull myself away from my story even if it was 3am.

I NEED it back. Writing was, at one point, the only thing to give me happiness and enjoyment. I feel like if I get back to that I’ll be in a much better state than I am currently. Continue reading

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The Highs And Lows Of The Year Thus Far

Today’s prompt is to write about my highs and my lows of the year.

I’m not quite sure how to write this one because my year so far has been up and down the whole way through.

My lowest was probably (thinking that I was) losing someone I cared for dearly. I also had very bad depression and anxiety. I wasn’t writing or working or doing anything really. I didn’t want to do anything, just stay inside and hide all day. That was pretty low.

My highest point is probably recently. Having (now) an amazing best friend, who I still care for dearly, but can just joke around with and be myself. Also the fact that I’m writing quite a bit and writing everyday. I mean, I’ve got about 3-4 story ideas I’m working on. I’m half way in my main WIP (taking a break now), at 30k words. And I’m averaging about 1000 words a day! So that’s quite good. My depression and anxiety is also being kept more in check, and I do not fear writing or working anymore!

So that is the short-ish answer to my highs and lows for the year.

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Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge

Stuck In The Toilet Of Life That Is Self Imposed Writer’s Block

It's so hard to find the right word.

It’s so hard to find the right word.

Writer’s Block can be a dangerous thing to a writer. We’ve all experienced it. The greats and the not so greats. But what is it about this Writer’s Block that’s so scary and dangerous? Well for starters, we’re writers. You and I. We write, we love to write, we live to write. We call ourselves writers, but if we have nothing to write, then what are we? If writing is our life but we can’t put down words, then what else do we have? I believe that’s why it’s so scary to most.

I believe there’s different types of Writer’s Block though. There is Self Imposed and there is just Imposed. There is the physical and the mental. The physical is the most common: You’re writing a story, plugging along, when all of the sudden you can’t think of a single word to put down next. You’re completely stuck and blocked up. Nowhere to go. Now although this has to do with thinking, it’s not the mental block part. Funny how those things work.

The second, and I think scarier of the two, is the mental block. Both can be dangerous and both can be scary, but the physical block seems easier because you can just wait it out if need be. At least for me that is. With the mental block there’s so much more underneath. It’s a more self imposed though process than the physical.

Here are a few types of Self Imposed Mental Blocks I tend to get, and how I deal with them:

Worried What Others Might Think

Problem: Other people may read your work. Especially if you are blogging, it is inevitable. You’re worried that others will see your work and criticize you for what you have written. I for one am afraid that people just won’t like what I have to say, be it fiction or writing tips. You also may be scared to write non fiction about people you know. Or even fiction, basing a character or event on a real life occurrence. What if they see it and know it’s about them? How will this affect them or hurt them?

Solution: Don’t over think. I will say this a lot. In fact I’ll say it again right now. Don’t over think. While you’re writing, just let the writing flow. Let it take you where ever it might. Be it talking about your best friend who stabbed you in the back. Or the local barista who smelled like eggs. Yes, someone may read it. But you should care only for yourself and the quality of your work. Save feelings for after it’s written. If you write the entire story and you feel it would bring negative feedback or might be too harsh, you can always leave it in your computer or in the notebook for some time, returning to it later with a new outlook on the situation. Don’t over think. Continue reading

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September 17, 2013 · 11:09 pm

A Writer’s Day: Part 15

Not much writing was done today. Not much time to write honestly. I woke up with the worst stomach ache and head ache I’ve had in a while. I sat around for an hour or so just hoping it would go away.

Then my friend, Katrina, and I went to the mall. I sat at the Panera at the food court to write but my head ache came back and I couldn’t focus, so I didn’t write. We walked around a bit, went to Ikea for lunch, then off to dinner with her family at an awesome restaurant, The Melting Pot. Who knew I’d like fondue?

After coming home, sitting around for a while, and taking a shower my pains came back. Another way of Headaches and stomach aches. I played skyrim a bit and wrote not that much on a new story idea I’m working on. But then I decided to do some word sprints.

Those were terribly helpful! I actually was able to write and while I wrote I was able to forget about whatever pain I had. I ended up writing about a 2000 word outline for my NaNo novel loosely detailing all the chapters. This is awesome and new to me. I’m normally a pantser and just free write everything I do. No outline or pre plotting. So now I’m excited!

But now I’m still awake. This looks like it will be another insomnia filled night of not sleeping till sometime tomorrow in the evening. I have no idea what it is. Right now it feels like just the stomach ache and such. It could be I’m just not tired and can’t sleep. Or perhaps I’m actually tired, but still just can’t sleep. Who knows? Well that’s all for now.

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Filed under Insomnia, Writer's Day

A Writer’s Day: Part 14

A Writer’s Day 14. Just another day. Not really sure what to write. I’ve been up for another 36 hours or so. Again… I really need to stop doing this. I’m not sure what to write though. But I was told to write this everyday.

I’ve brainstormed more NaNo things. Just a few. That was fun, did some research. I’m quite excited to get started.

I came up with a new Fantasy story that I started writing. Just free writing for now but I think a plot is slowly coming together. So we’ll see where that goes. Maybe I’ll finally have something else to work on before NaNo.

That’s about it other than the prompts and such I’ve done earlier today. So we’ll see how long I’m up tonight… again….

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Filed under Insomnia, Writer's Day

Things I Know About Writing

I have been writing for most of my life. Which is a relatively short time considering that some authors don’t publish their first novel until they are 80. Now I don’t know everything about the craft, but there are a few things I know. Or rather I think I know. Or at least might help out and give you a bit of knowledge on the subject. These are by no means a way to live your writing life. But just tidbits here and there that I’ve picked up along the way.

This will be broken up into multiple posts too for shorter readings. As I think up more I will add more posts. There will also be specific posts on some of these subjects in the future. I don’t really have any authority on these subjects or reason to think I know what I’m talking about, but I like to think I do and share what I know.

Write A Lot and Often

If you wish to be a writer, write.

–Epictetus

This is probably the most important one to do and to know out of all of these. Write, just write. Anywhere, everywhere. Anything, everything. Play with setting, genre, characters. This is especially important, I believe, when you’re just starting out. This gives you a chance to grow, practice, and hone your skills, all while finding out where you best fit in this crazy writing world of ours

Write a journal or a short story. Just write something. It doesn’t matter if you write on a bar napkin every night about the regulars. That’s character development, and it’s also writing.
If you can, write every day. If not, set times aside for yourself to just sit down and write. No interruptions or distractions. Just you and the words.

Most important, like I said, especially if you’re just starting, is to write as much as you can about anything. You can stick to one story, or play with a few ideas. The point is you’re getting words down and practicing. Continue reading

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Filed under Links, Non Fiction, Writing Tips