Tag Archives: Non Fiction

Living (and writing) With Depression and Anxiety

Living with depression and anxiety is hard. Very heard in fact, and I would never wish it on anyone. It’s not fun at all. But like many people out there I do it. I cope. Because I have to. It’s especially hard for me because I have so many things I genuinely WANT to do. Writing, drawing, reading, yard work even! I just completely lack the motivation and energy needed to get these things done. But oh, how I wish I could just wake up in the morning and do all these things, one after another, and all in the same day no less! That’s how it used to be, but not recently. I wish I could get up and have a giant list of tasks, and things, and chores that I plan to do all day, and not shut down. Not get a sudden crippling stomach pain. I really do.

And for any of you who may be out there that say “Oh, depression and anxiety isn’t real, it’s all in your head.” Well for one, of course it fucking is genius. It’s called a MENTAL illness. And for those who say, “Oh, just get up and do something. Just get over it. It’s not that hard.” It is hard actually. And to both of these types of people I say “Bye!” You can leave right now and never come back, because I am done with people like this.

Back on subject! Besides complaining about my illnesses, I’m really just wanting to talk about my writing.

It’s hard for me to start on a project, whether it be a brand new idea or just going back and finishing off an old story. I don’t feel the inspiration, motivation, or energy needed to accomplish it. And I need to slowly do that. Think of creative and fun ways for me to get back into writing. Because even as I just write this simple post, I’m having terrible stomach pains and want to just shut my laptop. But I won’t!

I don’t want to stop writing, or rather, being a writer. I just can’t and I won’t. I’ve always enjoyed it and I always will. No matter if it’s as easy as walking, or a very difficult task that takes me hours just to start. I’m going to write. It’s the fulfillment of being able to let all those words out of your head that just seem to be bouncing around that I want. Being about to create whole other worlds and people. And being able to let your feelings just bleed onto the page, rather then off your skin. It’s a great feeling once I finish a piece, and even once I get started writing it. The problem is just getting started.

So this post is a bit of a mess and all over the place, and I apologize. What I’m trying to say is I’m not going to let whatever is bringing down the rest of my life stand in my way from the one true thing I’ve always loved. And that if you’re having similar problems you shouldn’t either. It doesn’t even have to be writing that’s your one true passion. Just know that, if you’re dealing with mental illness or just tough times, don’t let anything stand in the way of doing what you love. Fight it and break through the impenetrable wall that it’s built itself on. Because I know, and you know, we can do it.

Have any tips for getting my inspiration mojo back?

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Filed under Non Fiction, Rant

The Highs And Lows Of The Year Thus Far

Today’s prompt is to write about my highs and my lows of the year.

I’m not quite sure how to write this one because my year so far has been up and down the whole way through.

My lowest was probably (thinking that I was) losing someone I cared for dearly. I also had very bad depression and anxiety. I wasn’t writing or working or doing anything really. I didn’t want to do anything, just stay inside and hide all day. That was pretty low.

My highest point is probably recently. Having (now) an amazing best friend, who I still care for dearly, but can just joke around with and be myself. Also the fact that I’m writing quite a bit and writing everyday. I mean, I’ve got about 3-4 story ideas I’m working on. I’m half way in my main WIP (taking a break now), at 30k words. And I’m averaging about 1000 words a day! So that’s quite good. My depression and anxiety is also being kept more in check, and I do not fear writing or working anymore!

So that is the short-ish answer to my highs and lows for the year.

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Stuck In The Toilet Of Life That Is Self Imposed Writer’s Block

It's so hard to find the right word.

It’s so hard to find the right word.

Writer’s Block can be a dangerous thing to a writer. We’ve all experienced it. The greats and the not so greats. But what is it about this Writer’s Block that’s so scary and dangerous? Well for starters, we’re writers. You and I. We write, we love to write, we live to write. We call ourselves writers, but if we have nothing to write, then what are we? If writing is our life but we can’t put down words, then what else do we have? I believe that’s why it’s so scary to most.

I believe there’s different types of Writer’s Block though. There is Self Imposed and there is just Imposed. There is the physical and the mental. The physical is the most common: You’re writing a story, plugging along, when all of the sudden you can’t think of a single word to put down next. You’re completely stuck and blocked up. Nowhere to go. Now although this has to do with thinking, it’s not the mental block part. Funny how those things work.

The second, and I think scarier of the two, is the mental block. Both can be dangerous and both can be scary, but the physical block seems easier because you can just wait it out if need be. At least for me that is. With the mental block there’s so much more underneath. It’s a more self imposed though process than the physical.

Here are a few types of Self Imposed Mental Blocks I tend to get, and how I deal with them:

Worried What Others Might Think

Problem: Other people may read your work. Especially if you are blogging, it is inevitable. You’re worried that others will see your work and criticize you for what you have written. I for one am afraid that people just won’t like what I have to say, be it fiction or writing tips. You also may be scared to write non fiction about people you know. Or even fiction, basing a character or event on a real life occurrence. What if they see it and know it’s about them? How will this affect them or hurt them?

Solution: Don’t over think. I will say this a lot. In fact I’ll say it again right now. Don’t over think. While you’re writing, just let the writing flow. Let it take you where ever it might. Be it talking about your best friend who stabbed you in the back. Or the local barista who smelled like eggs. Yes, someone may read it. But you should care only for yourself and the quality of your work. Save feelings for after it’s written. If you write the entire story and you feel it would bring negative feedback or might be too harsh, you can always leave it in your computer or in the notebook for some time, returning to it later with a new outlook on the situation. Don’t over think. Continue reading

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September 17, 2013 · 11:09 pm

Yeah, I’m a Published Poet. So What?

We’re half way there! September is half over and so is this 30 Day Blog Challenge. For today’s prompt I must write 15 interesting facts about myself. Let’s see if I can find that many.

1. My favorite book is 1984. I read it a year or so ago just for fun and fell in love with it. I’m getting ready to read it again once I knock some other books off my list.

2. I’m a published poet. When I was eight my school had a contest in the fall to write a poem about Halloween. Well, I wont and it got published in a sort of young peoples anthology. Ready for the poem?
“Most people don’t like mummies, because most mummies are dummies.”

3. I have two dogs, two kittens, and a new found Garage Cat. He was a stray that I fed one night and now he has adopted us and hangs out in the garage with me all the time while I write.

4. I really enjoy video games. I’m an avid gamer and have more games than I wish to say. Many of which are on my “To be played” list. I’m currently working my way through Skyrim.

5. I used to co-host a college radio program with two other friends of mine. It was about world music.

6. I like to draw. And I like to convince myself I’m good at drawing sometimes. I did just draw a ballin’ minotaur the other day though. (Balls not included.) Continue reading

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The Day The Inspiration Stood Still

Today’s prompt is to write about your earliest memory. Well I have already written about that exact thing before. So this idea bores me. Instead, I will just do some musing and oozing of ideas and such I suppose. More rambling than anything.

Why is it that writing can be so easy one moment, and then in the next it is the most difficult thing to be accomplished by a human being?

Recently I’ve been lucky enough to see both extremes of this writer’s spectrum. It started with the former. I was so happy and into my writing, I didn’t want to stop. I was planing and plotting my NaNo novel. I have outlined the whole thing, coming to a “final” outline of 2,094 words. This is both scary and exciting for me. Mostly because like I’ve said before, I never outline. I have a few ideas in my head and then I just write the thing. That’s it. No more. No less. This is the first time I’ve ever tried to pre-plan more than a few ideas for a story let alone a whole detailed outline. But this outline has made me feel great and excited about my story. So much so to the point where I just want it to be November already so I can start it. It’s taking everything I have not to open it up and write more on it right now.

At the beginning of this week I was also pumping out short stories and flash fiction like it was nothing. I had no problem coming up with an idea and writing. Or even just writing before I had the idea. It was great. I never wanted it to end. But unfortunately all good things come to an end.

This brings me to the past two days. Mostly tonight though. I’ve barely written a thing. I have a few ideas in my head but not sure which to go with. And other than those few, I can’t think of anything to write. I don’t want to use prompts, but I don’t want to go back to my original novel. But I also don’t want to really continue on this new fantasy I started. Nothing is left. I have no ideas and no motivation or inspiration to write. I just sit at the computer and struggle to even put a word down. I had to sit down and force myself to write earlier just to get 600 words for my #writechain. It wasn’t pretty or very fun. And neither is this whole not writing thing when I want to write. I love writing but I just can’t. No ideas. Too many ideas. No motivation. No inspiration. No creation. Nothing. I’m very stuck and I’m not sure which way to go from here. I suppose only time will tell.

I just wish more than anything to write. But I’m also stuck in the fact that I want to try too many things. Do I start a new novel, maybe a short story, perhaps a novella, or what about just a 300 word piece of flash fiction. There’s also working on the dozens of old projects I have. But with all these possibilities, not even one thing or idea is jumping out at me. I’m just stuck.

So instead of trying to pick and idea or piece together an idea. I will sit here and continue to write uninteresting blog posts to entertain a select few.

So, I’ll ask you. What should I do? What should I write?

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Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge, Rant

A Writer’s Day: Part 14

A Writer’s Day 14. Just another day. Not really sure what to write. I’ve been up for another 36 hours or so. Again… I really need to stop doing this. I’m not sure what to write though. But I was told to write this everyday.

I’ve brainstormed more NaNo things. Just a few. That was fun, did some research. I’m quite excited to get started.

I came up with a new Fantasy story that I started writing. Just free writing for now but I think a plot is slowly coming together. So we’ll see where that goes. Maybe I’ll finally have something else to work on before NaNo.

That’s about it other than the prompts and such I’ve done earlier today. So we’ll see how long I’m up tonight… again….

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Filed under Insomnia, Writer's Day

Bulleted Lists

So, today’s prompt for the 30 Day Blog Challenge is to Bullet me entire day. This will be quite interesting considering I’ve been up for about 30 something hours. So I’ll try to remember as much as I can but it’s been a long day.

  • I woke up yesterday around 12 or so.
  • Wasn’t feeling so hot so I spent a lot of time just chilling out in the garage.
  • I had art class which actually was fun and went well for a first.
  • Learning some new things.
  • Came home.
  • And we had our Writer’s Meeting.
  • Did a prompt with the group, which went well. It was fun.
  • Talked about our upcoming goals.
  • Made some homework assignments.
  • Played some skyrim while I wrote.
  • Pretty sure I did some word sprints in the evening too.
  • Couldn’t sleep so I stayed up all night.
  • Started a fantasy story in third person that I didn’t like.
  • There was a stray cat who has adopted us as his family.
  • He was sitting in the garage with me all night as I wrote.
  • Made a few blog posts.
  • Came up with more ideas for NaNo.
  • Did some word sprints with the #5amwritersclub.
  • Rewrote the Fantasy story this time in first person and I’m really enjoying it.
  • Sort of.
  • Stayed awake.
  • Wrote more things here and there.
  • Tweeted a bunch.
  • Played more skyrim.
  • The cat was still hanging out with me in the garage.
  • Did more word sprints.
  • Lots of reading and research on how to write a fantasy novel.
  • Brainstormed some for NaNo.
  • Still haven’t slept.
  • And now I’m here writing this post.
  • I think I’ve left a few things out but that’s basically it.
  • Yup.

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September 12, 2013 · 11:58 pm