Category Archives: Rant

Living (and writing) With Depression and Anxiety

Living with depression and anxiety is hard. Very heard in fact, and I would never wish it on anyone. It’s not fun at all. But like many people out there I do it. I cope. Because I have to. It’s especially hard for me because I have so many things I genuinely WANT to do. Writing, drawing, reading, yard work even! I just completely lack the motivation and energy needed to get these things done. But oh, how I wish I could just wake up in the morning and do all these things, one after another, and all in the same day no less! That’s how it used to be, but not recently. I wish I could get up and have a giant list of tasks, and things, and chores that I plan to do all day, and not shut down. Not get a sudden crippling stomach pain. I really do.

And for any of you who may be out there that say “Oh, depression and anxiety isn’t real, it’s all in your head.” Well for one, of course it fucking is genius. It’s called a MENTAL illness. And for those who say, “Oh, just get up and do something. Just get over it. It’s not that hard.” It is hard actually. And to both of these types of people I say “Bye!” You can leave right now and never come back, because I am done with people like this.

Back on subject! Besides complaining about my illnesses, I’m really just wanting to talk about my writing.

It’s hard for me to start on a project, whether it be a brand new idea or just going back and finishing off an old story. I don’t feel the inspiration, motivation, or energy needed to accomplish it. And I need to slowly do that. Think of creative and fun ways for me to get back into writing. Because even as I just write this simple post, I’m having terrible stomach pains and want to just shut my laptop. But I won’t!

I don’t want to stop writing, or rather, being a writer. I just can’t and I won’t. I’ve always enjoyed it and I always will. No matter if it’s as easy as walking, or a very difficult task that takes me hours just to start. I’m going to write. It’s the fulfillment of being able to let all those words out of your head that just seem to be bouncing around that I want. Being about to create whole other worlds and people. And being able to let your feelings just bleed onto the page, rather then off your skin. It’s a great feeling once I finish a piece, and even once I get started writing it. The problem is just getting started.

So this post is a bit of a mess and all over the place, and I apologize. What I’m trying to say is I’m not going to let whatever is bringing down the rest of my life stand in my way from the one true thing I’ve always loved. And that if you’re having similar problems you shouldn’t either. It doesn’t even have to be writing that’s your one true passion. Just know that, if you’re dealing with mental illness or just tough times, don’t let anything stand in the way of doing what you love. Fight it and break through the impenetrable wall that it’s built itself on. Because I know, and you know, we can do it.

Have any tips for getting my inspiration mojo back?

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Filed under Non Fiction, Rant

I’ve Been A Terrible Blogger

I’ve been a terrible blogger recently. I know, and I’m sorry to anyone who might read this. I’ve just been quite busy working on other things and being sick. That is all fine and well but I really would like to get back to blogging.  I know I have at least a view regular readers even if they are just friends and family. So I wanted to start writing more/again, and I think working on the blog will sure help me.

I also failed a bit when it came to that 30 day blog challenge. So I’m now going to work my butt off and get those last ones finished so I can start posting up other things. Perhaps more fiction, or even more writer tips and things I’ve learned along the way (It’s a pretty short way).

Here’s to starting October out as a better writer, and a better blogger!

 

Thanks for listening. Look for more posts soon!

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Filed under Rant

The Day The Inspiration Stood Still

Today’s prompt is to write about your earliest memory. Well I have already written about that exact thing before. So this idea bores me. Instead, I will just do some musing and oozing of ideas and such I suppose. More rambling than anything.

Why is it that writing can be so easy one moment, and then in the next it is the most difficult thing to be accomplished by a human being?

Recently I’ve been lucky enough to see both extremes of this writer’s spectrum. It started with the former. I was so happy and into my writing, I didn’t want to stop. I was planing and plotting my NaNo novel. I have outlined the whole thing, coming to a “final” outline of 2,094 words. This is both scary and exciting for me. Mostly because like I’ve said before, I never outline. I have a few ideas in my head and then I just write the thing. That’s it. No more. No less. This is the first time I’ve ever tried to pre-plan more than a few ideas for a story let alone a whole detailed outline. But this outline has made me feel great and excited about my story. So much so to the point where I just want it to be November already so I can start it. It’s taking everything I have not to open it up and write more on it right now.

At the beginning of this week I was also pumping out short stories and flash fiction like it was nothing. I had no problem coming up with an idea and writing. Or even just writing before I had the idea. It was great. I never wanted it to end. But unfortunately all good things come to an end.

This brings me to the past two days. Mostly tonight though. I’ve barely written a thing. I have a few ideas in my head but not sure which to go with. And other than those few, I can’t think of anything to write. I don’t want to use prompts, but I don’t want to go back to my original novel. But I also don’t want to really continue on this new fantasy I started. Nothing is left. I have no ideas and no motivation or inspiration to write. I just sit at the computer and struggle to even put a word down. I had to sit down and force myself to write earlier just to get 600 words for my #writechain. It wasn’t pretty or very fun. And neither is this whole not writing thing when I want to write. I love writing but I just can’t. No ideas. Too many ideas. No motivation. No inspiration. No creation. Nothing. I’m very stuck and I’m not sure which way to go from here. I suppose only time will tell.

I just wish more than anything to write. But I’m also stuck in the fact that I want to try too many things. Do I start a new novel, maybe a short story, perhaps a novella, or what about just a 300 word piece of flash fiction. There’s also working on the dozens of old projects I have. But with all these possibilities, not even one thing or idea is jumping out at me. I’m just stuck.

So instead of trying to pick and idea or piece together an idea. I will sit here and continue to write uninteresting blog posts to entertain a select few.

So, I’ll ask you. What should I do? What should I write?

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Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge, Rant

Writing As a Hobby

Image

Photo by Charles Jeffrey Danoff

I saw this picture earlier and I just wanted to write a small post about it. There’s no doubt that it’s a good picture. I like the blurring, the moleskine-esque journal, and what appears to be a child’s hands holding on tightly.

We should encourage our child to write and be creative. We should let them make up fantasy worlds in their heads and make stories out of them. Because one day that idea might make mommy and daddy very rich parents. But that’s not the point. The point is it’s a cute picture.

However, my point isn’t about the picture. It’s about the text. “Writing is my hobby.” I don’t terribly love calling writing a “hobby”. I take it far too seriously for it to just be my little “hobby” or my “typing”. Writing is my job and my sole passion in life. You could say my soul’s passion. Teehee.

Point being, referring to writing as just a hobby belittles it in my eyes. Writing isn’t my “off-work relaxation pleasure”, or my “hunny on the side”. Writing is my job and my life. It’s mostly all I think of and all I do as of late.

I’m sure some people just use it as a fun little “hobby”, but for real writers I feel like it makes the entire process seem like a joke. Perhaps I’m being a bit cynical.

If you take a look a the 70 year old man who just lost his wife and picked up writing to deal with the grief and having nothing else to do. Then yes, it would be his hobby. Or would it be his therapy for dealing with such a terribly event. And the possibility for a wonderful memoir of their life together.

Or we could take the middle age house wife, who writes instead of selling jewelry out of her home. She writes because she’s bored most days and needs something mindless to occupy her time. Her little hobby. Or it could be her only escape from the real world where her husband doesn’t care for her anymore and they’re in the red every month. Her only escape from reality and the terribly things going on. Her call to arms against house wives who would just stand by and do nothing.

You can see where I’m going with this, it’s getting a bit too philosophical for me. But my point being, yes anyone can write and anyone can call it a hobby. But I believe there’s always a deeper connection to the writing and a deeper meaning behind why these people write than just as a “hobby”.

Well, There’s my little rant on Writing as a “Hobby”. Hope you enjoyed.

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Filed under Non Fiction, Rant