A Better Man

So, I’ve had to do two prompts today because I slept through most of yesterday. The prompt/story I posted before this was to write about “Guilty Pleasures”. This one is to take my iPod, put it on shuffle, and write down the first ten songs. This will get interesting as I don’t have many songs on my iPod. This also might be interesting, because as a writer I’m not just going to post ten songs and be done with it. I’m going to write something about all ten. I’m thinking a short story incorporating all of them.

1. Better Man
2. Don’t Trust Me
3. A Bird Without Feathers
4. That Power
5. Do The Right Thing
6. It Ends Tonight
7. My World Is..
8. Difference
9. No Matter What You Do
10. Good Vibes

All I ever got told my whole life was to be a better man. To do this and do that right. I would reference my father and say, “Well what about him? He left us, he never cared? He wasn’t that ‘Better Man’?” My mother would just say that he didn’t do anything right, or that the only thing he did right was making me. A bunch of bull shit if you ask me, but maybe I’m just cynical after all these years. Don’t trust me, trust me, whatever. I don’t care.

My mom said she didn’t want me to be a “bird without feathers”. She wanted me to be whatever I wanted to be, to do whatever I wanted. She said just be a better man than your father. If I wanted to be president, she’d back me. A doctor, sure. Police man, of course, “Just be careful”. She never doubted me, not even once.

She gave me that power inside to really strive to do anything. To be what I wanted, not what everyone else wanted. She gave me the drive to really achieve anything, as long as I do the right thing.

But ya know what? I think it’s too late. Even after all she’s done for me, I’m still standing here in pitch darkness on top of a bridge. It ends tonight. I can’t keep lying to myself, saying I’m a better man than he was, that I’m a bird who finally has his wings. I’m still wingless, I always have been and I always will be. My world is this shit hole that I can’t climb out of, no matter how hard I try or claw at these walls.

The difference between me and my father though? I stuck around. No matter how much I fought with Mary, I stayed right there. I didn’t fucking hit her and leave. I didn’t forget to say bye to my son. I didn’t drive off somewhere and leave my family for dead in some trailer park. No, I’ve stuck around through it all. But now. Now I’m just like him. Leaving them all behind with no goodbyes. No nothing. No matter what you do, It’ll never change my mind dad. You were an asshole and because of that. So am I.

I pray my family will be alright. I hope that mom will forgive me. And any good vibes that are left in my body I’m sending them to Mary, in hopes she’ll forgive me. But you dad, I’ve never forgiven you and I never will. You’re the reason I’m here…

And now, there’s nothing left to do.

Just jump.

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2 Comments

Filed under 30 Day Blog Challenge

2 responses to “A Better Man

  1. That was incredible the way you worked all ten songs in. To top it off, it was a really powerful story.

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